I guess I can call it now: Halfway Home. And yet I’m not feeling nearly as celebratory as I could. yay. halfway. three more. oh great.

This time was a little harder than the last, which makes me think that this is how it’s going to go (as it did 16 years ago) — each a little harder than the last, as the body accumulates the toxins rather than acclimating to them. Just before my second one I saw a different doctor, and he was the one who told me I might be “pleasantly surprised” by it getting easier every time. But I think it is official, at least in my mind, that will not be my experience. This time the badness came on faster — even after #2 I just rested over the weekend and hit it bad on Monday. This time I couldn’t make it through Saturday without napping and the badness started Sunday. I also had two bouts of stomach struggles that left me weeping, and overall everything lasted just as long as before.

Now the question is how much worse can it get. I am a member on a breast cancer discussion board, where I mostly just lurk for descriptions of other’s experiences, which has been extremely helpful and informative. But it’s scary too as I hear stories of what could happen if my side effects increase and change, as they have been doing. While the nose bleeds are mostly under control, my nose runs and crusts all the time, and now I have styes. In battling the diarrhea with medicine I experienced the dreaded and more common constipation, and found that unbearable in a different way. Is that my future? What about the other things people report on the boards? The one that has me the most weirded out is the nail issue, one woman reported after treatment #4 they all sort of bruised and turned black, some eventually fell off. My nails look AMAZING right now, it’s surprising what the lack of constant housework can do for pretty nail growth! I’d hate to see them turn black and fall off, y’all.

BTW — anyone who has delivered dinner and left food containers they need back (including Trader Joe’s bags) I’ve left out a nice big pile of stuff out by the cooler. If you don’t see something you know you left, ring the bell and we’ll look inside together. This is a good week for visiting!